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of becoming obsolete. But this morning that was no longer the case. Suddenly,
the table and chairs no longer properly "addressed the space" they were
in, whatever that meant.
Fortunately,
my personal comprehension was not necessary. Ann announced she could solve
this problem with just seven-eighths the balance of our household checking
account. Tax and delivery were extra, of course.
A
lively discussion ensued. When it comes to decorating, I'm a typical guy.
I'll take the brown vinyl Laz-ee-Boy over the silk upholstered Queen Anne/Elizabeth/Victoria/whoever
armchair, hands down. I just want a comfortable place to carry out my
daily functions. I don't care if it matches the wainscoting, the etagiere,
or the Je-ne-sais-whatever-it-is. In other words: if it ain't broke, don't
fix it. Over the years I have tried without success to express this idea
in a way that is acceptable to Ann. I have not yet been successful.
Will
Rogers summed it up nicely: "There are two theories on how to win an argument
with a woman - and both of them are wrong."
When
I operated with Dr. Cross later that morning, he laughed when I told him
about my lessons. "I've been to that school before," he sympathized. "Don't
forget, Dr. Mike - happy wife, happy life."
Given
the fact that Dr. Cross has been caring for women and delivering babies
longer than I've even been alive, I always pay close attention to his
advice. This is a man who's been happily married over fifty years. But
what really captured my imagination was the unspoken corollary to his
words - what an "unhappy wife" might mean.
In
the spirit of Dr. Cross's words, I have accepted the fact that argument
is futile. I even have some observations of my own to add: It never hurts
to express interest in your spouse's ideas - even when you do not necessarily
share her enthusiasm or even understand what she is saying. Here are some
examples:
"Wow
- that really does contrast nicely, Dear."
"Yes,
that definitely improves the fong shway." (This is spelled feng sui, for
whatever reason.)
"Aubergine
sounds perfect."
Ann
called my bluff on the last one. It turns out that aubergine is a color
- deep eggplant, if you're wondering. Ann didn't seem to mind, however,
that I hadn't known what it was. It was the fact that I was making an
effort - that's what mattered to her.
Over
the years, I have begun to understand the impulse that underlies decorating
and the similar mystifying activities that women undertake. Womanhood
has so much to do with the essence of beauty. Women are beautiful, and
they seem to create beauty constantly - in our homes, wardrobes, gardens,
in our friendships and at social occasions - and most especially, in giving
life to our children. And this is the unfathomable mystery I am grateful
to witness.
In
the little matters - whether it's a dining room table or a razor - it's
best to just to keep your mouth shut.
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