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accompanied
Rosa to every appointment. The conversations that revolved around the
baby's diagnosis would have been difficult enough for an adult, much less
a child. But Helena was mature beyond her years - a serious and thoughtful
soul. Having no choice, we relied on her completely.
Rosa's
pregnancy continued. At each appointment I half expected her baby to have
miscarried; miscarriage is God's way of sparing the mother the pain of
full term delivery for a baby not likely to live. However, upon each visit,
we could hear the heartbeat of Rosa's baby, loud and clear. And the unsightly
birth defect - nature so clearly and terribly going astray - became more
and more pronounced.
Rosa's
condition became more serious as her pregnancy drove her blood pressure
to dangerous levels. High blood pressure can lead to seizures or worse.
Rosa, however, steadfastly refused intervention, even blood pressure medication.
As I listened to Helena addressing her aunt, I couldn't help but wonder
how much of the situation was being conveyed. Helena, however, seemed
to understand and share my concerns. She had more trouble explaining her
aunt's response.
Rosa
went into labor right around her due date. Many Guatemalans are stoical
when it comes to pain, and Rosa was typical. She didn't want pain medicine,
and labored largely in silence. The baby's head was enlarged. Despite
our best efforts to maneuver Rosa's body to ease the delivery, it was
a difficult one.
At
last I held Rosa's baby. Terribly malformed, he took one gasp - and died
in my hands.
I
remember Helena's usually steady voice faltered when she told her Aunt
that her baby had died. Rosa bore the news in silence, just as she had
labored. She didn't respond to Helena's and our attempts to comfort her.
We stopped her bleeding and sutured her incision. The nurse washed the
baby and gave it to Rosa to hold. The room was silent as we operated.
Rosa neither spoke nor showed emotion, her baby growing cold on her stomach.
Afterward,
I found myself wondering why Rosa had chosen to go through a full term
pregnancy. Were her reasons religious? Was the translation process at
fault? Did she not trust our diagnosis? Or was it something else?
Three
years later came an answer. This time, Rosa's pregnancy had been uncomplicated.
Again I found myself in the delivery room with Rosa and Helena. And again
Rosa labored quietly without pain medication. The beautifully formed little
girl came more easily than had her brother. I placed her on Rosa's abdomen.
There
was silence in the room just as with the first delivery. No noise, no
emotion on Rosa's face. The charged atmosphere in the room was like a
breath being held, as the baby began to cry softly. It was the high quavering
voice of a newborn saying "I am here, I am here."
Helena
smiled. Like sunlight on a cloud, her serious young face was transformed,
and she laughed the pure and happy laugh owned only by the very young.
Then finally, miraculously, Rosa smiled too. She bowed her head over her
beautiful baby as she cradled it in her arms. She stared at the newborn
as though not trusting her eyes. After a few moments, seemingly by force
of will, the smile disappeared. I wondered what she was thinking and feeling.
It was as though she would not let herself believe in God's gift.
The
baby yawned. And for the first time in all her labors of physical pain
and thwarted motherhood, Rosa began to weep.
This
time, no translator was necessary.
This
article is a reprint from a previous issue of The TowneLaker.
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