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| The Voice of Towne Lake | |
The Flagship of Around Town Community Magazines | November 2008 |
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Dr. Litrel- The Strike of the Tooth Fairy
by Mike Litrel, M.D.I was an excited young parent the first time my oldest son Tyler lost a tooth. But when I snuck into his room late at night, I couldn’t for the life of me find the tooth under his pillow. I stubbed my toe on his bed frame and had to leave his bedroom before I woke him up with my expletives. It was dawn the next day when I re-attempted the ritual transaction, with significantly less enthusiasm.Tyler was disappointed when he looked under his pillow. It seems the Tooth Fairy who had visited our neighbors had been more generous — leaving five dollars rather than the measly one. So over the years, our family developed a system to make things go more smoothly. My children learned the Tooth Fairy wanted their tooth in a plastic bag so she could more easily find it, and the Tooth Fairy learned to leave the correct denomination of American currency. I have saved all my children’s teeth. I keep them in a box in my study. I’m not sure if it’s sentiment that prevents me from throwing them away – or just the fact they cost me so much money. But a year or two ago, my younger son Joseph stumbled upon my collection of teeth. He confronted me with elaborate casualness, “Dad, I was looking through your office, and I noticed you have a close personal relationship with the Tooth Fairy.” I laughed. “When did you stop believing in the Tooth Fairy, anyway?” I asked. Joseph pondered my question for a long moment. “Well – just now, Dad,” he answered. The other day Joseph lost another tooth. He proudly showed it to me. There was a large blood clot on it. Apparently he had pulled the loose tooth out of his mouth early — there was something he’d wanted to buy, and he needed the extra money. “That’s great, Joseph,” I answered. “Put it in a plastic bag under your pillow, and we’ll see what the Tooth Fairy will do tonight.” “Dad — I want my five bucks now,” he said. I glanced at the germ-infested tooth Joseph had in the palm of his hand. He wore a snot nosed look on his face that said, “Pay up now, Mr. Tooth Fairy, you Big Faker!” All I could think of was the spoiled child Veruca Salt, depicted in the original 1971 version of “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” — the one who sings “I Want it Now.” Echoing in my mind was the refrain sung by the prophetic orange faced Oompa Loompas. Who do you blame when your kid is a brat Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese Cat? Blaming the kids is a lion of shame You know exactly Who’s to Blame: The Mother and the Father! “Joseph, I don’t know if you follow the financial markets, but rising oil prices have bottomed out the market for used teeth,” I explained seriously. “That tooth of yours is only worth a nickel.” “Dad, give me my money.” “I’m sorry, Joseph. The commodities market can be really brutal.” Joseph stormed off in a huff. And thus began the strike of the Tooth Fairy. Joseph could keep his used tooth for all I cared. My inventory was already full, and I had yet to find a single buyer. But a few days later, a more charming child appeared in my life. When I tucked Joseph into bed, he showed me his tooth in a plastic bag. He placed it under his pillow and expressed his hope that the Tooth Fairy was back on the job. That night, when I snuck into Joseph’s room, all the snot nosed lines on his pre-adolescent face had vanished; his visage relaxed in a wondrous beauty. I have an ultrasound photo of Joseph when he was inside Ann’s body and only an inch in size. Twelve years have passed since that photo was taken. What a miracle life is! I prayed at Joseph’s bedside with gratitude for the blessing of being a father, and asked (as usual) for guidance not to screw up too much. And I did the Tooth Fairy thing, too. It was a financial decision, really. Since Joseph is a priceless gift from God, a dirty tooth yanked from his head has got to be worth at least five bucks.
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